The Great Slow Curse

May 5th, 2010 posted by admin

As we are all more than aware, as well as terrorists, spam (both the meat featured on the awful new TV adverts and the email kind), and people who still do that annoying clicky-finger thing that Ali G used to do and was never not extremely annoying, slow walkers are among the worst and most time-wasting phenomenon plaguing our great modern society. Go to London and you will find them deliberately in your way everywhere – great herds of them following one another, sometimes traveling so slowly that they actually travel backwards.

Yes: I said backwards.

There are few tactics which are capable of winning against this monstrous foe; one is to try and go around them – which never works as, over the years, their ears have grown to monstrous proportions and can detect a regular speed walker who is even thinking about this – and the other is to shout “I am coming through!"and then attempt to go through. This works sometimes but is also very exhausting. After a long day of encountering slow walkers (and in extreme cases the even more feared super-slow-walkers), one is too worn out to even open his or her mouth.

In a perfect world there would be a shoot-on-sight law, of course, but until that day we will have to develop our own ears and eyes to the same degree as that which the slow walkers have perfected. It’s a battle to the death, people! Some long term care advice : you’d better either get a jet-pack or work out a way to fight this awful vermin!



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