Always Chris

Thankyou Technology!

Good old internet, where would we be without it, eh? In a big fat whopping hole is where! For many it’d make week-day evenings very boring, and for many more it would take away a great resource for making money from home. And there are many more ways in which the internet is useful, even aside from Ebay and the like. Take, for example, the notion that all you need do is type in a few words and you can be watching someone demonstrating something, for example. That’s a really good thing which never used to be even remotely possible. You can learn how to do all kinds of things, from how to skin a fish to how to catch a crocodile. Stand-up comedy has also really benefited from this; now, if you’re a budding comedian you can Watch Comedy Online to your heart’s content. Why is this useful? Obvious really. You can rewind, fast forward and study top comedians'acts and do so in the comfort of your own home. The beauty of this is undoubtedly that you can make notes and practice similar techniques immediately, thus upping your game in a matter of mere minutes. Do either of those things in a comedy club and you’re going to look like a bit of a plonker, no matter how empty the place is.

I’m sure the internet has therefore had a substantial effect on training up the next generation of comedians. In fact, I dread to think how people learnt the tricks of the trade back in the day. Now has never been a better time to learn while sitting on your backside. Using the internet and Youtube, there’s pretty much nothing you can’t become an armchair expert at.

Communication-Less-Age

Today I want to talk about writing and communication: two of the main things that you can’t get around in life, whether your works consists of writing up equine insurance quotes or doing accounting; we all have to learn to do these things well and effectively, otherwise things tend to have a habit of falling apart rapidly.

Yet, as important as these two skills are, we are becoming a generation of people who are getting further and further away from needing to write. Now, what with all our technology, we can leave someone a video message when we need to tell them something urgent. Soon, it seems that we won’t even need hand-writing anymore. After all, what’s the point? That’s what computer keys are for, surely. Hand-writing is just a waste of time and energy: two commodities that no human being can afford to overlook in this age of super-high-tech.

All this makes me feel sorry for children who are presently at school, because with so much technology available to them, what incentive do they have for writing for writing’s sake and even having a go at poetry? And that scares me. Where will our next generation of writers / philosophers and thinkers come from? Might we get to a place where these once worthy vices are no longer needed, because all wehave to do to communicate is plug into someone else’s thoughts like back before wireless headphone existed?

I seriously hope not, but I definitely think that we are heading that way, and there is very little we can do to avert this Apollo 13 style course of future action. This is demonstrated when you get a reply from a teenager in text speak, and when you ask them to spell it correctly, they have literally no idea wot u r on abt.

Your Day and You Remember It

When I was seven I had a big birthday party. This one particularly sticks in my mind because it was the week after I discovered what the word “virgin” meant, and so at my party I was able to use my new-found knowledge to torture my guests, and seeing as it was my birthday party and nobody else’s I was really able to push the boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour for a seven year-old child. And push it I did. I’m sure that each and every one of my guests was haunted by that day for years to come. Something I am proud of and also mentally tortured by, but such is life, and I’m sure people have done much worse.

Thing is, after eleven I realized that having parties was fine, but it wasn’t essential. The strange thing was that nobody else thought this. And so, every single time some of my friends have a birthday they throw a huge party. And it was fine until I got to my 30^th. That was when the real pressure to have a birthday party came in one massive smack to the head.

“You have to have one!” my friends chanted. My reply: “I once fancied being a famous actor, but that doesn’t mean I should attend an acting workshop every week, does it?”

Anyway, this went on until the day of my birthday, and on that day there was this profound sense of disappointment; that was when I realized what it was. It was that everyone else was sad they didn’t get to go to a party. While people were chuffed I had been born thirty years to that day, what they really wanted was a party to go to, and seeing as I had denied them that, they were making me feel bad.

My opinion is this: it’s your damn birthday so don’t succumb to pier pressure. Have it like you want it, it’s your day after all.